As You Like It (Act 4 Scene 1)

(ORLANDO)Good day and happiness, dear Rosalind! (ROSALIND)Why, how now, Orlando! where have you beenall this while? You a lover! An you serve me suchanother trick, never come in my sight more.
(ORLANDO)My fair Rosalind, I come within an hour of my promise. (ROSALIND)Break an hour’s promise in love?
(ORLANDO)Pardon me, dear Rosalind. (ROSALIND)Nay, an you be so tardy, come no more in my sight: I had as lief be wooed of a snail.
(ORLANDO)Of a snail? (ROSALIND)Ay, of a snail; for though he comes slowly, hecarries his house on his head; a better jointure,I think, than you make a woman: besides he bringshis destiny with him.
(ORLANDO)What’s that? (ROSALIND)Why, horns, which such as you are fain to bebeholding to your wives for: but he comes armed in his fortune and prevents the slander of his wife.
(ORLANDO)Virtue is no horn-maker; and my Rosalind is virtuous. (ROSALIND)And I am your Rosalind. Come, woo me, woo me. What would yousay to me now, an I were your very very Rosalind?
(Orlando)I would kiss before I spoke. (ROSALIND)Nay, you were better speak first, and when you were gravelled for lack of matter, you might take occasion to kiss. Besides, in her person I say I will not have you.
(Orlando)Then in mine own person I die. (ROSALIND)This is a lie! People have died from time to time and worms have eaten them, but not for love.
(Orlando)I would not have my right Rosalind of this mind, for I protest, her frown might kill me. (ROSALIND)By this hand, it will not kill a fly. But come, now I will be your Rosalind in a more coming-on disposition. Ask me what you will. I will grant it.
(Orlando)Then love me Rosalind. (ROSALIND)Yes love I will, Fridays and Saturdays and all.
(Orlando)And will thou have me? (ROSALIND)Are you not good?
(Orlando)I hope so. (ROSALIND)Why then, can one desire to much of a good thing? Come, sister, you shall be the priest and marry us. Give me your hand, Orlando. What do you say, sister?
(Orlando)Pray thee, marry us.(Celia)I cannot say the words. (ROSALIND)You must begin. Will you, Orlando-
(Celia)Go to! Will you, Orlando, have to wife this Rosalind?(Orlando) I will. (ROSALIND)Ay, but when?
(Orlando)Why now; as fast as she can marry us (ROSALIND)Then you must say ‘I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.’
(Orlando)I take thee, Rosalind, for wife. (ROSALIND)Now tell me how long you would have her after you have possessed her.
(Orlando)Forever and day. (ROSALIND)Say ‘a day’ without the ‘ever.’ No, no, Orlando. Maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives. I will weep for nothing, and I will do that when you are disposed to be merry!
(Orlando)But will my Rosalind do so? (ROSALIND)By my life, she will do as I do.
(Orlando)Aye, but she is wise. (ROSALIND)The wiser the waywarder.
(Orlando)A man that had a wife with such a wit, he might say ‘wit, wither wilt?’ (ROSALIND)Nay, you might keep that cheque for till it meant your wife’s wit going to your neighbor’s bed.
(Orlando)And what wit could wit have to excuse that? (ROSALIND)Marry, to say she came to seek you there. You shall never take her without her answer.
(Orlando)For these two hours, Rosalind, I will leave thee. (ROSALIND)Alas! dear love, I cannot lack these two hours.
(Orlando)I must attend the duke at dinner: by two o’ clock I will be with thee again. (ROSALIND)Ay, go your ways, go your ways; I knew what you would prove: my friends told me as much, and I thought no less. Two o’ clock is your hour?
(Orlando)Ay, sweet Rosalind. (ROSALIND)If you break one jot of your promise or come one minuet behind your hour, I will think the the most pathetical break- promise and the most hollow lover: therefore keep your promise.
(Orlando)With no less religion than if though wert indeed my Rosalind: so adieu.(Celia)You have simply misused our sex in your love prate: we must have your doublet and hose plucked over your head, and show the world what the bird hath done to her own nest. (ROSALIND)Coz coz coz, my pretty little coz, that thou didst know how fathom deep I am in love! My love hath an unknown bottom
(Celia)Or rather, bottomless, that as fast as you pour affection in, it runs out. (ROSALIND)No, I cannot be out of sight of Orlando: I’ll go find a tree, and sigh till he come.
(Celia)And I’ll sleep.